Log #2: The Bigger Questions: Love vs. Lust

With Valentines day come on gone, we can all sleep soundly knowing that a lot of people who weren't "Loveless" or "Heartbroken" got a lot of ass. But did they get it out of love?.... Or lust? An insignificant seeming but very important question. Love can coexist often enough with lust. But more often than not, love and lust do not walk hand in hand. In fact.. people often confuse the two. But why is that?

No.. Not that kind of ass.

How can two distinctively different emotions be confused? They should be easy to differentiate right? As a person ages, it becomes easier to distinguish the difference. But as a teenager, the line can be very thin. Nowadays, I've come to believe that people are hardwired to diminish the importance of love, but highlight the details of lust. This is easily seen in the development of how women are portrayed over the ages. After all, men are the more lustful sex, aren't they? 
Not to be sexist, but the change is evident. As women are allowed to express themselves in more controversial ways, the line between love and lust grow thinner and thinner.  
Just look at the difference between a swimsuit style of the 50s, and one of our era.

"To the left is a swimsuit style considered normal in our era. To the right is a 50s style swimsuit."

 What happened? Times changed that's what happened. There also was a time when heavier women were considered more attractive. The extra pounds symbolized prosperity. Men weren't always as attracted to a woman's breasts or rear end either. There was a time where a woman's feet and ankles were considered attractive. I used to joke with my friends about this all the time. Men first saw the foot, then the ankle, then the legs, then the ass, and now; the breasts. Do you think we'll ever make it to the woman's face? Nah. I doubt it ladies. -wink- -wink- 

But how do these changes over generations account for shift of focus towards lust? It's simple. With the development of pornography, decreased value on the sacredness of marriage, and women deciding that it's not acceptable to wear winter clothes in the summertime, the change was rapid. This change was best illustrated during the sexual revolution. Yes, the "sexual" revolution. See? History CAN be exciting.  
During the sexual revolution the world, (specifically women) went through a transformation. Societal norms were rewritten. Girls were allowed to dress like they were allowed to dress themselves! Condoms were discovered! Divorces were easier! Sex before marriage was encouraged! Sex was allowed in literature and the cinema! But more importantly, lust was on the rise in society.

To be honest. I believe that lust arose with the sexual revolution. That's why I touched on it lightly. The sexual revolution (yes I'm trying to say sex as much as possible. Ain't I mature?) highly encouraged sex. The media was all "look people! More sex! Less children! Let's go for it!" Of course, people loving sex and seeing the success of the condom went ballistic.The media drove these desires with the normalization of sex in literature and film, and the women encouraged sex by dressing more provocatively.

A bit more effective than the "falcon punch".

As one of my friends happily pointed out, I seem to blame a lot of the development of the sexual revolution on women. The truth is I do. And I'll illustrate that belief with a simple argument. Who watches porn more? Men or women? Men do. Who uses birth control? Men and Women. Who wears more provocative clothing? Women. Who acts more in porn? Women. These may seem like a bunch of random questions.. But they really aren't. Society teaches us to associate women with sex. In an already sexual time, this sexuality is increased through provocative clothing. Women who wear provocative clothing are more likely to get involved in sexual activities rather than women who wear more conservative clothing.
But why aren't the guys held responsible as much?! You cry in righteous indignation! How is that fair? Truthfully, It's not fair. But honestly, provocative clothes give even the nerdiest guys an ounce of courage in going for the goods if you know what I mean.. And that leads to sex right? Depending on how smooth or loose you are.

"Even this guy will try and caress her voluptuous curves with the right motivation"


But that being said.. I only hold women to a higher standard because they pay a higher price. But when it comes to falling into the trap of confusing lust with love; both parties are at fault. I think this is especially prominent among teenagers because they have a lot of sexual "firsts" together. First hug, first kiss, first caress, and so on... These firsts build a special connection among couples giving them the same emotional high as if they were in love. Especially if the person that the experience was shared with, was ultimately a good person.

But what then is love? (Don't be a smart ass and give me the definition of the tennis term... Geez people..) If you ask a million people this question, you'd get a thousand answers. For our purposes though, I'll give you my answer which I think ultimately is pretty simple. (At least for me.) Love is the willingness to go through discomfort or even pain for another's happiness/well-being. Much like Bruno Mars' "Grenade" but most of the time a lot less graphic. This is also what makes love that much more tragic when it's not happily received.

Gotta love well-placed memes.


Examples of this is often seen in the cliche' scenario of the protagonist doing something incredibly stupid (often times self-damaging) in order to please their love or get their love to notice them. Like the stereotypical "boy-giving-girl-lots-of-GIFTS-on-valentines-day-when-he-hardly-knows-her!" OR the girl transferring colleges to get closer to the man she loves.)

Guy: "My heart burns for you!"
 Girl: "Uh.. Creep?"


Love and irrationality walk hand in hand. It's not supposed to make sense. And if it does make sense to you, you're either really smart.. Or really stupid.. Depending on your perspective. Often enough you can tell when a couple is truly in love, even if it was for a short time. The chemistry around them just changes, and they seem to know each other in an other-worldly kind of way. Don't believe me? Then how can we clearly distinguish love from lust in the movies? It appears a lot differently on screen doesn't, it? Or maybe it's just me.. A person shouldn't have sex or even sexual relations with someone they don't really know..

Love and Lust actually look different when performing "the act" too if you know what I mean. Love tends to appear more intimate, and goes for a more "getting to know" you feel. It's less about the physical pleasure; and more about making a connection. That's why when presented with this kind of sex in movies it's seen as more romantic; because it truly is. Lust on the other hand goes for immediate gratification. It may delve into intimacy partially but ultimately the goal is to receive as much pleasure as possible no matter the cost.

This is why I'm slowly coming to believe when you have to use "tools" to have sex, it's essentially not love anymore but merely carnal pleasure. This statement is also directed at couples who are in love. (Really in love.) As I mentioned earlier love and lust can coexist. Lust can arise out of love, vice versa. But It's nearly impossible for both emotions to be present at once. Think about it. Most relationships are built from what? Lust. Guys are attracted to a woman's breasts and butt for the most part. And Women (Correct me if I'm wrong ladies.) are also attracted to the butt, but find a toned physique and taller height appealing. 

 Hopefully these memes are helping you remember the big ideas...

After the physical attraction is made most people try to get to know the other person to find out if they're even better looking on the inside. (Unless they're just looking for a physical relationship.) The basis of first attraction is typically not made out of "love" because we people can't see the inner goodness of a person upon meeting. (Though some people will claim they can.) That being said, I don't think this kind of lust is wrong, but it concentrated on in moderation. Also lust experienced among two lovers I don't believe to be wrong; because the connection has already been made.

I think I've established my point on the issue well enough.. If there's any further questions feel free to comment, (like you will) and be sure to check out any of my previous blog posts! Or just tune in Tuesday for Log #3! I will be discussing how Women degrade themselves in society. Please bear with me females... I know my tones been a bit sexist, but you should find this next log quite interesting.